Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
