hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Too much gin, very little bucket
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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