I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize