I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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