This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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