new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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