Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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