If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
