she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
