you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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