i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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