Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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