I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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