Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
