I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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