More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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