my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
