Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
