i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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