I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
