I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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