I heard we made out
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
