If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
