From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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