Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
