Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
