Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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