It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
