I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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