If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
