Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
