I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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