my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
