Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
