Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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