I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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