He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
