I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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