i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
