This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
