11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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