listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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