i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and she was petting her beer can
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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