tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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