at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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