My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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