i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize