Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
