Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just pee around me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
