I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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