Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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