whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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