dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
