I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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