I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
