Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
