so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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