Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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