When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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