Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
