sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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