Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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