Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
