So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
