Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
